First, there was the War on Drugs. Then there was the War on Terror. Now, my War on Flies joins these other epic modern conflicts. Just like them, it has similarly vague goals, poor planning, extremely limited effectiveness, and will likely last until the end of time.
Before we begin, it’s important to note the limited scope I’ve given this article. This isn’t some “How To Keep Flies Out of Your Van Forever” clickbait. I’m not making any promises here. The truth is that I’ve tried many different methods to get them out, yet even the most effective methods have been only somewhat successful. It’s a problem I continue to fight, and these are some tricks that have at least been somewhat effective for me.
Prevention
The best way to deal with flies in your van is to prevent them from getting in there in the first place. Here’s what I do to try to keep them out.
Don’t Park Near Them
I almost forgot to add this one because it seems so obvious, but it’s worth mentioning. If you don’t park near flies, they won’t invade your van, because they’re simply not there. At least one or two of my fly infestations have happened because I unknowingly parked next to an active community of them, and then the neighbors wandered over to visit. Miraculously, the problem cleared up as soon as I moved someplace else.
Clean Up After Yourself
Flies love what we don’t — trash, dirty dishes, and especially Lister’s litter box. They’ll make homes in any of these, and the next thing you know the fly population has exploded. The best way to prevent this is simply to clean up after yourself. I have a trash can with a lid that I keep closed. When the bag gets full, it goes away. I try to keep up with my dirty dishes, partly because I don’t have room for many anyway, but also to prevent flies from hanging out there. I’m not always the best at keeping the litter box clean, but flies can be as happy as a pig in you-know-what, so it’s best to make that go away, too.
Set Up Screens
The great thing about most roof vents is that they provide ventilation, and also a screen to keep the bugs out. The vents I have for my side windows also have screens built in. If I don’t leave my side door open, I end up spending all day either putting up with Lister’s constant in-and-out game or putting up with him meowing and scratching at the door. Some have adapted magnetic screens designed for household sliding glass doors to fit in the side door opening. I’ve also seen some specifically designed for the Ford Transit for a whopping $250. Personally, I just picked up a $5 sheer curtain at Walmart and hung it in the doorway with a bungee and magnets. It’s not a perfect fit, but most flies are too dumb to figure out how to slip through the cracks and just bounce off the curtain, keeping them outside where they belong.
Remediation
Of course, you might not know you have a fly problem until it’s too late and they’re already inside. I’ve tried so many ways to deal with this, everything from sprays to electric bug zappers. Nothing has worked. I also have to be careful with sprays, because I don’t want to use anything that could harm Lister, or myself — it’s poison, after all. Fortunately, I’ve found at least a couple of things that help.
Fly Strips
I’ve used these in household situations before. They’re not ideal on the road, because they can bounce around and stick everywhere while you’re driving. But it’s one of the only effective ways I’ve found to deal with flies that are already inside the van. I leave one hanging underneath the table where Lister’s food is (something else flies like, but Lister would go crazy if he couldn’t get to his food), and sometimes supplement that with a second one hanging from the curtain rod behind the seats. Eventually, they’ll collect flies that bump into them.
Fly Swatter Racket
This combines the effects of a traditional fly swatter with an electric bug zapper. You may not be quick enough to smack the fly into a solid object, but if it makes contact with the metal screens of the racket, it gets zapped, killing it instantly. It also makes a satisfying ZAP sound. Where fly strips are a good way to pick them off passively, the racket works well when they are actively buzzing around.
I do have rules of engagement, though. If they’re inside the van, they’re fair game. But if they’re outside, I let them live, even if they’re standing on or bumping into my curtain in the side door. They have a right to live, but not in my living space.
The Winning Combination
As far as I can tell, there is no way to win the War on Flies. The best you can hope for is to keep the population down to a bare minimum. To do this:
- Clean up after yourself
- Set up screens
- Set up fly strips
- Use a fly swatter racket
These are the only things I’ve tried that have had any effect at all. There are countless other remedies out there, but none of them have worked for me.
Well, except for one: Drive somewhere cold. Flies aren’t nearly as active in colder temperatures. I don’t mean somewhere super cold and snowy like New Hampshire, where I started this journey. During my winter months in Arizona, I rarely see any flies at all, because it gets cool enough at night to freeze them out while still being comfortable during the day.
Smokey Da Van 