It’s been a minute. No updates, no videos, few Instagram posts. What’s going on? There’s no easy way to say it, so I’ll just say it.
Trisha has left Smokey Da Van.
I don’t want to get into details. I don’t believe in airing dirty laundry in public, even when we’ve put ourselves and our life together out there as much as we have. I’ll just say that what started as a simple misunderstanding escalated to a point of no return. She safely arrived back in Florida yesterday, while I spent the weekend at a free campground in Ohio, trying and failing to pick up the pieces of life.
What does this mean for the future of Smokey Da Van? I have no idea right now. We built this van and this entire life together. She was right there by my side through everything we’ve been through the past few months, and we made it work until it didn’t. I never intended to do this alone, but that’s where I now find myself. I’m not even sure if I want to continue this nomadic life at all by myself, but I’m not allowing myself to make any major decisions until some time has passed and I’m less emotional. In a way, it’s fortunate that I have commitments to work the New England Forest Rally and Climb to the Clouds, which will force me to keep doing what I’m doing at least through mid-August. Maybe by then, I’ll have a clue.
I’ve had an outpouring of support from my friends, with more offers of places to stay and driveways to park in than ever. I’m seriously going to have to make a list of them and try to plan a route to hit as many as I can while I’m in New England. My current plan is to cross Pennsylvania this week, then end up at Whiskyeye‘s motorcycle camper van campout birthday bash in eastern New York this weekend. She and I have been friends online since our Livejournal days (yes, I’m seriously dating myself here), but have never met in person. She invited me to join them, and it sounds like exactly the sort of thing I need right now. It’s also precisely on my way to New England. From there I’ll start driveway hopping and end up at Sunday River in Newry, Maine at the end of July for the New England Forest Rally.
I’m not sure how the YouTube channel will go. She shot most of the video, and the last few weeks of adventures are still on her phone that she (rightfully) took with her. I have weeks’ worth of unedited footage of us together, and I just can’t watch it right now. I’ll likely take at least a short break from videos, and see what I can come up with myself. I’ll have to change everything since I won’t have her to shoot video while I’m driving, and our witty banter is now a thing of the past.
Am I OK? No, definitely not. But I will go on, one way or another. Lister needs me, and that’s reason enough to keep going.